The words
I came in late, I said I'd stayBut I was already halfway goneMy hands were here, my mind was driftin'I told myself I'd get back on
I laid it down like it was honestLike it was more than scraps of timeBut I knew what I was avoidin'I knew I crossed another line
If it didn't cost me comfortIf it didn't make me bleedThen maybe what I called an offerin'Was just me tryin' not to feel
I don't wanna give You what's easyI don't wanna bring what's freeI don't wanna call it worshipIf it never breaks somethin' in me
I'll put it down, I'll stay right hereEven when every part wants to leaveIf it costs me my attentionMaybe then it's somethin' real I mean
I live where the noise don't stopWhere the pull is in my handWhere every quiet secondGets buried before it lands
I reach for You, then reach for nothin'Just to feel a little less aloneI say it's just a second longerBut I'm always gone before I know
If I can walk away untouchedIf I don't have to chooseThen I've been givin' You the secondsWhile I give the world the truth
I don't wanna give You what's easyI don't wanna bring what's freeI don't wanna call it worshipIf it never breaks somethin' in me
I'll put it down, I'll stay right hereEven when every part wants to leaveIf it costs me my attentionMaybe then it's somethin' real I mean
I'll buy the ground I'm standin' onI won't borrow borrowed fireI won't say I love You with my mouthIf my life keeps climbin' lower
Take the minutes I defendTake the habits I protectTake the part of me that always says"I'll give You more, just not this yet"
I don't wanna give You what's easyI don't wanna bring what's freeI don't wanna call it worshipIf it never costs somethin' in me
So I'll put it down, I'll stay right hereI won't run back to the noiseIf it costs me my attentionThen You can have my hardest choice
I won't offer You what costs me nothin'I'm done pretendin' that it's enoughI'll give You what I've been protectin'I'll give You the part that's hardest to give up
The story behind it
This song started as a journal entry I wrote during General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints a few years back. I found it one day just reading back through my notes in Evernote.
One of the prophets referenced the moment where King David said he would not offer the Lord something that cost him nothing (in 2 Samuel 24:24). That line stuck with me longer than most things do. Not in a dramatic way, but in a slow, persistent way that kept coming back up as I thought about my own life.
I started asking myself what I actually offer God. Not what sounds good or just looks faithful from the outside. But what really, truly costs me something.
I realized pretty quickly that a lot of what I do is habitual. Going to church. Saying prayers. Serving in callings. Those are good things, and they matter. But they can also become automatic. And automatic effort does not stretch you. It does not require surrender or demand much from you once it becomes routine.
That realization tied directly into something I have believed for a long time. You cannot idle forward in life. Physically or spiritually, idling is not neutral. If you are not exerting, you are regressing. The body at rest after effort heals. The body at rest without effort weakens. The same thing happens to your spirit.
So, this song lives in that realization. It is me noticing where I convince myself that something counts as sacrifice simply because it fits comfortably into my life. The line that matters most to me is the last one. Giving up what is hardest to give up.
Time with family. Control. Comfort. Work. Identity. Those are the things I protect the most, and those are usually the things that cost me the most to place on the table. This song is about being honest enough to see that and brave enough to act on it.
Testimonies & reflections
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